just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
