i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
