i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
