I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
