Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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