Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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