Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
