i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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