I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize