hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
