Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
