Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
