i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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