This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
