you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
