cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
