Where did you get a picture of my penis
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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