tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
