Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
