Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
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