Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
