I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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