her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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