Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
