i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
