She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
