I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
