I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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