sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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