I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
