at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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