Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
