i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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