He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
