At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
That was an excessively violent trivia night
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
