my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
