Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
