that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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