yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
