what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
