i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize