You really coming over, don't trick.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
