It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
