I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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