my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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