awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
