Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
