You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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