According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
