Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
