at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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