considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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