I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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