all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
