I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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