Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just had sex on a roof
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
