I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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