i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
