I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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