; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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