He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
