I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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