just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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