she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
