If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
