his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
