I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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