This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
