oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
